Last Night Was Primary Night

Matthew G. Saroff
3 min readMay 19, 2022


While I was busy squinting, there were some primaries.

First, John Fetterman won every single county in the state, demolishing the establishment’s great white hope, Connor Lamb, who was endorsed by almost every member of the Democratic Party establishment (There is no Democratic Party establishment) nationally and state wide.

I think that this throw away line in an otherwise stupid NY Times article explains why, “I look at him as another Joe Manchin.”

I would also note that voters can, if given enough time, distinguish between a genuinely authentic candidate (Fetterman) and a grasping self serving careerist (Lamb).

I do wish that Kenyatta had come in second instead of Lamb, though.

The Republican side is too close to call, and will almost certainly be heading to a recount between two guys whose only virtue is that they are rich. (Dr. Oz ahead by 0.2% at this moment)

In the PA Republican Governor’s race, they nominated a human bowling jacket, one Douglas Mastriano, much to the chagrin of the Republican Party establishment.

Mastriano went up to the door, but not into the Capitol on January 6, and was heavily involved in the stolen election lies.

Madison Cawthorn was defeated. What a shame. I wanted to hear more about the cocaine fueled orgies.

In Kentucky, Democrats nominated a sacrificial lamb to go up against Brogressive Man-Crush Senator Aqua Buddha.

Charles Booker is a decent man, and should have been the one to take on McConnell last time, rather than the hot mess that was Amy McGrath, but as a black man in Kentucky, the odds are stacked against him, and given that but Rand Paul has the Republican Party, the McConnell machine, and Paul’s dad’s libertarian fans behind him in a state full of Republicans, I don’t see much of a chance here.

In Oregon, what looks like one of the worst Blue Dogs in the Congress is going down.

Kurt Schraeder is currently down by 22 points, over 9,000 votes, to progressive Jamie McLeod-Skinner , but because of a printer error in Clackamas County, about 41000 of the about 85,000 votes have not yet been counted.

Given that Shraeder would need to pull about 62% of the remaining votes to overcome this deficit, I do think that the Amalie Materna is warming up and reviewing her music in the wings.



Matthew G. Saroff

Husband, father, pinko, slave to cats